I'm not entirely sure how to explain how I feel I've applied my five beliefs incorrectly. I need help. I know I come across as elusive to many people and that eventually leads to people thinking that I'm trying to hide something. My problem is that I try to weigh the consequence of what I say and do constantly in an effort to appease as many people as possible. I see now how that can really rub people the wrong way. Ironically by trying to make everyone happy, even fewer are pleased.
Most of the time all I really want is to please people by what I do and say. That is actually what I want. I think that is the biggest problem. I just need to stop caring what people think and say what I believe! Right?
Any way... I'll let you know what I decide to do. Until then I want to start posting boring doctrinal stuff I've worked on over the years. That is what I usually think about when I'm by myself. I think only a fraction of the people who know me would believe that.
I got some work cut out for me.
4 comments:
Mmm, yes, the people pleaser. Morgan is the same way. Ya'll should talk. He wants people to feel good--that is his motivation when he speaks. My motivation is total honesty, regardless of how it makes people feel. To me it is more important to be honest than to be kind. I know there's a middle ground somewhere, but I'm kind of extreme when it comes to issues of honesty. Ultimately though, which would you prefer? To not offend? Or to be trusted?
Yea, I'm in a similar boat. Actually I would have chosen "to not offend" a few months ago. Now, I'd rather be trusted. Why? Just put yourself in a situation where you're not trusted at all and you'll quickly understand why.
I think Chanda is right. There is a middle ground and I'm searching for it…desperately.
Did you say "to not offend" or was that Chanda? I can't remember. Either way, I would bet it has nothing to do with making offense, but more to do with making people feel good. At least that is what it’s all about for me. And I honestly believe this to be a very important part of life and being a true follower of Christ...buoying people up. Lifting them up, helping them gain confidence, joy, and satisfaction in life. Look around you -- most of what we are told at work, school, church, on the TV and even at home is that we're not good enough, you're imperfect, you're not complete, you're not pretty enough, smart enough, wealthy enough, fast enough, and on and on and on.
OK, maybe I have some issues I need to deal with -- maybe I've been the brunt of too many put-downs in my life. It's possible. Regardless, I vowed many years ago that I would minimize the destruction of others the best I could through kind words and expressing genuine interest in them.
And yet here I find myself today -- having failed miserably too. In true fashion to an ignoramus, I took something good and ruined it by taking it to the extreme. Extremes are bad. Has it really taken me this long in life to learn this?
Good luck in your quest. I'll be keeping tabs in hopes I can glean some good advice from you.
I too, am a people pleaser. I am sorry I have misunderstood you so many times. In my quest to keep my fragile self-esteem in tact I tend to surround myself with only those who share my views or at least don't threaten my views in any way. I'm glad that you are in my family, so I can learn from you and embrace the fact that those who see things differently than me, or just express their beliefs differently, are not wrong--just different.
Thanks Lizard...You Rock.
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